You smell like stripper and shame
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
