Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Found the puke drawer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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