Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
