he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
