Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It's Friday. Sex?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
