If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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