And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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