My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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