I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
