a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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