Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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