I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize