This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
