this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
