Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
