I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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