i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
