my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
