Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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