He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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