party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
