They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
