FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
