Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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