She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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