I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
