Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
