dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
