instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
