I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
