i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
