Old men and throwing up are my life now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
