how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
