Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
