Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
honey bunches of taint.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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