Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You can't motorboat a personality
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
