i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
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