i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
