got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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