I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
