My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
