i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
