is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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