Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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