my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We have so much sex to catch up on
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
