would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
