Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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