Define "chronic" masturbator.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
