Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
