dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
