if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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