Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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