Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
