The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
