i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
