I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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