just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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