Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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