Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
