she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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