I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
