Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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