Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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