My girlfriend figured out who you are.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
