the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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