I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
