I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
