What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
