I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
