Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize