I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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